For the first time in a long time I have a lot of time, but I don't really at the same time...
I welcomed my beautiful baby boy into the world this year, and it's stretched me in many ways. (Pun intended maybe?)
I'm having a hard time with this stretch. Lack of sleep, turbulent hormones, combined with recovering from a c-section and learning what it is to be mama is the balancing act of a lifetime. I've been stretched in many other painful ways in the past, but this season takes the cake.
*Can we please stop using the word stretch because I'm stuck on the horrible pregnancy pun and it's getting ridiculous.*
I've always had something that has taken up my time, whether it was school, a job, a boyfriend, my time was always taken up by something, or someone. So now, after several life changing events, I find myself married, with a bachelor's degree, a baby, and no other obligations in the middle of a pandemic.
I am restless.
In the midst of this restlessness, I've been trying to do things that I haven't had the time to do before, like finishing my pile of "to make" art projects, to better integrate learning a language and working out into my schedule, and to actually rest (which is ironically the hardest one seeing as I was very good at resting in the form of procrastination while working on my degree lol.) This is easier said than done because babies need mucho attention.
Well, at least my language learning habit is paying off.
It's been about 11 years since I've written here, and it's something that has been on my mind for a while. Not necessarily to write a blog, but to just write. I've been working on a book off and on for about 2 years, talking about my experiences, spiritual growth, and how my divorce was a catalyst to something great. I've been silent for so long about many things, and I'm tired of holding my truth in. I've just never been able to coherently put the words together and in the right order. Maybe writing here will help with that.
Luckily, my writing style and voice has changed since March of 2010 thank God. I wonder why I was even ALLOWED to be near the internet 11 years ago.
So with the stretching and many things and stuff that have happened since 2010, I thought that breaking my 11 year hiatus with a little "about me" blurb is in place.
Hello, it's me, or was it "is it me you're looking for..."
1. Yes, it really has been 11 years since I've posted. I have two drafts with later dates however, one from 2015 and one from 2018. Both absolute word vomit. It was fun to read them, and also a bit depressing. It's crazy to see how much can change is just a few years. I've been blessed to see that the changes were healthy for my growth, and that God was in every single detail.
2. The "now what" after getting a bachelor's degree hasn't quite hit me yet. I'm bracing for when it does.
3. My toxic trait is letting people use me as a doormat and not speaking up until I've reached a breaking point. I learned about this trait under the worst of circumstances, and the response to me standing up for myself was not well received.
4. I have watched more TV in the past 4 months than I have in the past 4 years. Post-partum recovery is no joke.
5. I love getting inspired and being inspired. The tricky part is moving to the "action" part. I do get there, eventually. Usually when the bub is napping or asleep. Yay motherhood!
6. I've been making stippling drawings of plants lately and I'm super in love with them. I broke the plant streak with a stippling drawing of a penguin, one of a dragonfly, and a gouache painting of a paradise tanager bird. I'm really drawn to nature.
7. I never knew how fun it would be to blow raspberries back and forth with your baby.
8. Now I understand why people drink decaf coffee; they're either pregnant, breastfeeding, or it's a personal choice and coffee snobs who nEeD cAfFiEnE need to mind their own business and let people live their lives. (@ past me who thought decaf was just for the bad breath, though to be fair I was a college student working part time running on a constant 4-5 hours of sleep.)
9. I've noticed this huge rise in conscientiousness about healthy body positivity, mental health, and being kind to others, and as someone who has depression, PTSD, and body image issues after pregnancy, I am HERE FOR IT.
10. Less is more. I've been taking decluttering seriously since I went through my divorce with my first husband, and it's made my house neater, my head clearer, and my spirit lighter.
Here's to weird seasons, introductions and all.
~On another note, I've just finished watching Cheers and now I'm watching Doc Martin. I am totally sucked in.
