Amidst the slew of "lock in for the new year" performative posts, and regurgitated lists of "things to do instead of doomscrolling" (though I prefer the term "scroll hole") I find myself starving for substance. Perhaps it is my fault that I'm setting such high expectations for general content online, but I digress.
However, that doesn't change the fact that the internet is hyper saturated with shallow content about changing who you are in the month of January. Therein lies the problem; the inundation of the need for change.
We are overly concerned with self development, over-therapized, and not concerned enough with what is already working.
Which is unfortunate. So many wonderful and brilliant people are falling into the pit of I Must Change™ and end up sabotaging the very thing they think they are improving. Thus begins the cycle— unnecessary change leading to discontentment, leading to more change, leading to more discontentment, because why would you revert to the old habits you had before changing, because change is inherently good right? which leads to... ad nauseum.
It's good to have goals. It's good to check-in with yourself. It is not good to constantly change yourself, and it is not good to avoid negative emotions in the process.
So, how do we respond? What do we do in the face of performative glow-ups and their empty promises for contentment and happiness? What do we do with the pressure?
For starters, let's recognize just that; a glow-up, especially when promoted by someone online, is an empty promise. Most of these influencers and content creators have all the time in the world to do the things they are listing in their videos. Their job is to sell you a lifestyle, to influence you, imagine that. Of course they're making change look glamorous, that happiness is one routine away, one glow-up away, one level-up away. If they can get you excited about getting your life together and making plans (which can be a form of procrastination, but that's an entirely different point), you are more likely to buy whatever it is they are selling. Whether it be a sponsored product or a digital planner that will actually fix you this year!! Because this time, it will work! Just like in the years prior!
You know yourself better than that. The new planner will not get your life on track. Because that, my dear, is up to you.
Which leads to my second point, where we do some digging.
Who told you that you need to change? Why does their opinion matter so much to you that you feel the need to give yourself a complete overhaul?
Perhaps there are things you want to change about yourself. But let's keep digging.
Are these changes about aesthetics and appearance? Routines? Do they require you spend a lot of money? Is the cost worth it? Or are these changes about your character? Your physical health?
I'm not going to say some changes are inherently better than others. Because for one person, spending a little more on a nice skincare routine could be a step toward taking better care of their hygiene as opposed to someone who is spending money they don't have on the same expensive skincare. Let's use our critical thinking here. Because that's the point.
What changes are important to you, and why? I urge you to really wrestle with those questions, and avoid taking advice from strangers on the internet. (Perhaps you can detect the irony.)
As you wrestle, you may find yourself feeling negative emotions. Which comes to my third point.
If you do intend on making changes this year, nothing will change if you aren't willing to allow yourself to feel negative emotions. Not feeling negative emotions is not what self-improvement is about.
I've noticed a common idea floating around online about therapy, and it is so far removed from what therapy actually does for a person. I'd like to clear the air— Therapy does not make the negative emotions go away, it does not "fix" you, nor does it take away whatever it is that you are processing. Therapy gives you the tools to handle emotions/trauma/relationships/life in general in a healthy way. Because every emotion has a purpose. Think of them as the "check engine" lights of your mental health. They are indicators, meant to reveal an underlying issue. Please treat them as such. *screams in DSM*
What if you crawled out of 2025 feeling exhausted and the idea of "reinventing" yourself is adding all of this pressure and you'd literally rather not. Well I have good news for you.
You can decide to change literally nothing at all! It's that simple! Because it's your life!
You like your routines? Keep them! Happy with the books on your shelf, even if they are collecting dust? Amazing! You don't have new goals but want to use ones from last year? Excellent! That's recycling!
Constantly changing yourself will leave you confused and discontented with your life. The idea that you need to change to be happy, to be your best self, is marketing. It's like tearing down a house over and over, and rebuilding a new foundation, over and over, while someone is yelling at you that you need to be buying their wall sconces and reusable paper towels. You won't know what you stand for, you won't know what you like as you emulate the trending posts online, and you won't stick with routines long enough to know what works, because not all routines are good for every season.
Look at the leafless trees in winter, then admire their blooms in the spring, and do it again the next year, and the year after that. Notice how much fuller the tree gets every year. Notice the tree doesn't hold its leaves all year. Notice its transitions with the seasons to accommodate for what they bring. Notice your capacity for patience growing along side the bark and branches.
Now that we've learned about making productive change (which can include not changing at all) the other hurdle that I rarely see addressed well, is how to make these things stick.
The idea that a new habit takes 21 days to form is fake news. Throw that entire idea away. That isn't how habits work. Fortunately, the way they work is simple. Unfortunately, they way they work is not easy. Because simple and easy are not the same.
Our brain is wonderfully adaptable. The more you do a thing, the more likely you will keep doing the thing. See? Simple. However, starting a new thing? Not easy.
To continue explaining this simply, the brain works in pathways. Every time you form a new habit, you are creating a new neural pathway. Think about it as if the pathways are like hiking trails. The more you walk these hiking trails, the more packed the dirt is, the less overgrowth you get, and there is little resistance. However to start a new path, you have to walk through brambles and overgrowth, and it takes time for those things to clear. Over time, the new path becomes like the old one. Over time.
There is also the trap of planning. I say trap, because there is a point where it becomes a form of procrastination. It feels productive because you are thinking about the changes you want to make, however thinking about the changes, and actually doing them are two different things.
Want a habit that sticks? Keep doing it. Motivation comes after doing the thing, so never wait for it to start. The magic you're looking for is in the work you're avoiding. Consistency. Patience. All things we hate hearing. But there is no shortcut to lasting and meaningful change. Regardless of how long it will take, the time will pass anyway.
The rush of reinvention and becoming the best and hottest version of yourself is presented as cute and trendy, and extremely desirable. However it insinuates that having a meaningful life only happens when you reinvent yourself. So let's make this abundantly clear.
Changing yourself in the month of January is not necessary for your life to be meaningful.
This is your life. Change, or don't! It is completely up to you.
~I just want to be more organized and make stuff. Probably write some more. Or not. Who knows?
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