I finished reading the Bible in its entirety last Easter, which turned out to be very timely because I wrapped up my reading in John where Jesus rose from the grave and appeared to the disciples. (I literally could not have planned for my readings to land this way, it just happened and it was thrilling.)
Having grown up in the faith, I'm familiar with the story. But reading it this time, something else was revealed to me in the way Jesus appeared to Thomas. As I read the passage in John 20, my heart went out to Thomas, because the poor guy has such a bad reputation. Even now, 2000 some-odd years later, he is literally known as "doubting Thomas" — sometimes we're even warned to not be like him. It makes sense; he was one of the twelve disciples, who saw Jesus' ministry first hand, and he still had his doubts.
Thomas responded to the news that Jesus rose from the grave with doubt. "I won't believe it unless I see the nail wounds in His hands, put my fingers into them, and place my hand into the wound in His side!" (John 20:25)
Our natural inclination is to think "well I would never" but we actually "always" on a daily basis; how many times are we promised provision or healing, and we doubt that God will actually come through? We trust Him with our salvation, yet we doubt that He'll provide for us with the little things, like when money is tight or when we need healing from sickness.
Despite the warnings and misgivings about Thomas, I think we should be more like him, because his doubt was not born of rebellion, but out of the motivation to find the truth. Thomas didn't stop at doubt, and that's how we should respond to doubt in our own lives.
What I love most about this passage is how Jesus responded to Thomas in verse 20:27. "Then He said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and look at My hands. Put your hand into the wound in My side. Don't be faithless any longer. Believe!"
It struck a chord in my spirit, so I made a sketch.
A few months later, I couldn't stop thinking about the drawing, so I put the drawing on canvas. I didn't start working on the painting until a couple months later, on March 4th this year. I finished the painting on March 7th.
When I finished, I stepped back, looking at the way the gold foil catches the light. I wish you all could see it in person. Photos don't do it justice.
The longer I stare at this painting, the more I feel an overwhelming joy rise up in my spirit — a response to an invitation. When we look at verse 27, Jesus could have easily condemned Thomas for those doubts, for not believing He had risen. Instead, Jesus invited him closer.
What a wonderful love this is where instead of condemning us, God calls us closer to Him so we can know the truth.
Doubts are not the enemy, and we need to quit looking at them as such. Instead, we should see them as opportunities for God to shine through and work — all we have to do is draw near to Him, ask questions, and listen for His still, small voice as He covers us in peace and bestows upon us wisdom to squelch our doubts.
That's all doubts are — thoughts that have not been given a drink of the Living Water in a long time. Doubts are cause for refreshing, asking questions, and learning to listen. Do not allow doubts to turn your heart to stone, but instead, let it lead you to God who wants to show you the truth.
Like what Jesus did for Thomas.
That is a love I cannot take for granted. He does not get angry with us when we come to Him with our questions born of doubt. When we bring our doubts to God in search of answers, we're acting in accordance to our design to be dependent on Him — that's what God wants from us. He wants to show us the truth. He wants us to depend on Him and to have a relationship with Him, to grow our faith and for us to experience the joy that comes with it. Acting in accordance to our design in this way is how we experience fulfillment; we were made for this loving interaction.
He does not condemn me for my doubts. When I worry or when I get anxious. When I decide to take my own path and do what I want. When I trust myself more than I trust Him; He still invites me close so I can see the truth, know the truth, and walk in the truth, with grace abounding. There is no greater love than that.
Be like Thomas. Embrace your doubts, find the truth, and believe.
