An Ode to Spring

In lieu of the recent return of spring, I wrote a poem, inspired by some observations I've made as it's slowly become my favorite season over the years. 

I’m tired of people describing spring

as this ephemeral

season of delicacy and tenderness

as if it isn’t just as violent

and vulgar

as it is vulnerable. 

Wild thunder follows the lightning

streaking across dark clouds

because the hemispheres are warming up

as the planet tilts its crown toward the sun;

an alarm for what was dormant over winter.

Animals birth their babies,

the trees and seeds yawn, soaking up the pouring rain,

thirsty,

to brazenly flower in a vibrant green.

In fragrant, open blooms,

releasing ingredients for life.

To pollinate. To reproduce.

Yes, these babies are delicate,

and new blooms and new leaves are tender—

but to push and to labor is to endure

bursts

of

pain.

Debilitating, energy consuming.

A product of intimacy, pollination, static charge,

and the clashing of damp atmospheric heat

with the lingering lack of heat from winter.

Quite a different transition from the onset of autumn.

As if bringing in new life takes more

effort than letting dead things go.

As if ushering in the light and warmth

takes more energy than simply turning the heat down.

As if nature knows it must

patiently endure a season of hibernal rest, because it knows

the cost of bringing in what is new.

~here's to the violence of spring

Indexing the Journaling Marshes: an Anti-Rot Protocol

These are my current open tabs on my browser at the time of writing this: 

The National Park Service's page on wetlands, bogs, and marshes. 

Lyrics for the song "Lofty" by Propaganda. 

Search results for Presto Canner replacement parts. 

A YouTube tutorial on foreshortening using the coiling technique.

Vinyl record sales predictions. 

Cornell Lab's page on Dead Sea Sparrows. 

Various tabs on how to mod a Kindle and if it's worth it. 

Search results for images of tattoos on mummies. 

To name a few. 

I am no stranger to a good rabbit hole. A research topic a day keeps the ADHD at bay, or something like that. Though likely, the research topics and rabbit holes are encouraging the ADHD brain gremlins, but hey, at least I'm learning something.

I set out a few months ago making an "anti-rot protocol" because I, like most artists regardless of the craft of choice, reached burn out. Not because of the lack of inspiration, but quite the opposite. I have magpie brain. I know a good trinket, a sticker, pretty paper and pens. My screenshots folder is none of my business. I hoard information and photos and quotes as if I can absorb them through osmosis.  

Well. I take it back. My screenshots folder is my business, and that's exactly the problem. As it turns out, you don't need the internet to rot. The internet just makes rotting more easily accessible. 

The two main goals I have regarding my anti-rot protocol is to repair my attention span and my "retention span" which is just another silly way to say I want to improve my memory. Ideally, this protocol will be an integral part of my every day life, and to some degree, it's working. (See above list of open tabs on my desktop.) This kind of explorative research and play is something I've refined over the years, this new protocol being one of the refinements. Plus, there are major do's and don'ts when it comes to doing good research. Though I have other goals and habits I outlined in my protocol, a large practical facet of this is changing how I journal. Again. 

Over the years, I've tried all sorts of journal formats. I had a journal for big life events, one for gratitude, one that took me nearly seven years to completely fill... and many others. Juggling all of them not only made archiving extremely difficult, it also was overwhelming and defeated the purpose of journaling, at least, for me. I wanted to have a place to keep memories, freely express my thoughts, and for general processing as a means for stress relief. I also wanted to be able to find things I'd written to reference for later, or use in other writing. And recently, it's come to my attention by means of the "analog trend" that this process, though chaotic, was the act of keeping an "ecosystem". Through this analog sensation (ironically) sweeping the internet, I also discovered common-place books, having unknowingly kept one in my ecosystem. While the "analog trend" is new, keeping a common-place book is not (see John Locke's Method for Common-Place Books). 

With my disorganized and scattered system, it was less a pretty and glamorous ecosystem and more like... a swamp, with slimy moss-covered trees and murky water that definitely doesn't have Creatures™ lurking beneath the surface. Until sometime in 2022, my swamp became a cute little pond, and I started using only two journals. One for devotional notes, and the other as a diary. This pond, however, did not solve my archiving problem. The dates didn't overlap as well as I wanted. 

In an effort to make things less confusing, early 2025 I swapped to one thick journal that kept everything. My pond became soup, akin to a cozy soup on a cold autumn evening. Archiving was a breeze. Not only was everything in one place, I only filled two journals this way. See? Easy archiving. However, one problem remained unsolved; I still couldn't find anything in them. Even with color coded labels, paper clips, and bookmarks, those little one-sentence nuggets, random doodles, and prose were lost in the soup (not including the years worth of journaling swamp prior to my soup system). At this point, going back to index my journals would be a monumental task, and it is highly unlikely that I'll keep up a daily indexing system, because the executive is consistently dysfunctioning. 

As rewarding as it's been to fill two journals with fluffy pages stuffed with ephemera, it's time to break things apart again. I must face the facts. The magpie brain tendencies make it difficult to adhere to the part of my anti-rot protocol to improve retention, as I try to fit everything comfortably in one journal without losing the information or forgetting it in the process. Hoarding information for it to rot in my journals is counterproductive to the protocol. 

Since I understand my tendency to bite off more than I can chew, I took inventory before changing anything (pro tip for my fellow magpies with ADHD), and this is what I discovered.

I need the system to work for me, not me working for the system. Something that indexes and archives itself, where I have easy access to lists, trackers, and other important information, such as recipes for shiny hunting Pokemon, or for tracking my sleep hygiene, as means to avoid having a ton of lists in all of these different places. But this all has to be done without giving myself a monumental load and routine just for journals. 

Enter: ✨a glossary, traveler's notebook, and a media journal.✨

I still have my planner, my weird little commonplace travel sketchbook, and a catch-all journal like before, along with a semi-new "war binder" for my Bible study materials, and my very long-standing and growing book of recipes, however now my system includes as-you-go indexing and archiving, along with better portability and flexibility.

Because I was stashing everything in one journal, I found that as time went on, my journal became a liability. She got really thicc, with two c's— too cumbersome to fit in my purse, and too chock-full of very personal thoughts to be brought out in public. Which is why I chose to integrate a traveler's journal into my little soupy, swampy ecosystem. It's a perfect size to carry in my purse, without the stress of bringing my entire life with me in public. Here I carry separate inserts for my church notes, a quick glance glossary of Russian I'm building as I learn (gotta impress the in-laws), and soon, a commonplace book and sketchbook when I fill my current one.

My glossary is what it sounds like; a glossary. But, for life. I intend on putting business cards into it, along with any other academic notes and reference. I've mapped out a spring curriculum as an experiment this year, in line with my anti-rot protocol, so I hope to put this one to good use during that time. 

The media journal is designated for reviews and reference for movies, books, videogames, and music. It'll be more of a creative journal and scrapbook, as opposed to my glossary which will be mainly writing and charts. I want to engage more with the media I consume, and I'm looking forward to color coding my table of contents for what medium I'm writing about, and to have a place for the aforementioned shiny hunting recipes for Pokemon games. I recently rewatched one of my favorite shows, and I'm planning a small scrapbook spread for it, along with thoughts about what more I noticed watching it a second time.  

In my already existing journals, I've tweaked a few things, such as adding a sleep tracker in my planner, officially establishing my commonplace journal, and trying a different and much larger size for my catch-all; an 8.5x11 inch journal with two ribbon bookmarks, a velvety smooth emerald green cover, and 400 dot grid pages. A little different than my previous two A5, 300 page journals. Considering that I will be using the new catch-all as I did my previous ones, she's about to be thiccc (← three c's).

This system is a more structured way of doing what I was already doing, where the information I record while out in the wild is funneled into more manageable, findable, pieces of information. Ideally, things will be transferred from my traveler's notebook inserts into my catch-all, where it will then be funneled into my glossary, my war binder, or my media journal. I like to think I've gone from my weird soupy swampy pond into a marsh, where the cranes and herons glide over the whispering waters and the tall grasses teem with life. 

Will I be journaling more often? Yes. Will this take more of my time? Absolutely. Is it redundant? Slightly. But that's the point. I'd rather spend time sorting thoughts, recording things that inspire me, and putting them to memory, than to be at the mercy of a predatory algorithm full of AI slop, ragebait, and draining content about clothing hauls and poorly written skits posted by severely out-of-touch influencers doing their darndest to seem relatable. Not that there isn't substance online, but when you do find it, the algorithm keeps it from you? For some reason? Shareholder growth, or whatever.

Anyway, here's to combating The Big Rot™ with Anti-Rot™ and using our brains!

I'll end this with a quote I wrote down in my common-place journal (😏) from a YouTube video I discovered recently from a woman who's kept a journal for over 40 years, emphasis added. 

"a couple people wrote that they had actually been accused of being narcissistic for keeping a journal. And that to me is probably the most heartbreaking, because, I mean we can go back to antiquity and find people like Socrates who has said 'the unexamined life is not worth living.' I think that the moral there is that keeping a journal isn't an act of narcissism. It is an act of trying to understand the world around you and figuring out how you fit into it and how you can improve yourself to be of better service to others. It is such a shame for people who feel as though this is somehow a selfish act, that this is somehow a narcissistic thing to do. For me, this is self-care of the highest order.... but don't let the fear of an invasion of privacy steal your voice."

~ in short, a bog is acidic, a marsh is not, and a swamp is a marsh in a forest. The more you know. 

The (New Year's) Resolution Will Not Be Televised

Amidst the slew of "lock in for the new year" performative posts, and regurgitated lists of "things to do instead of doomscrolling" (though I prefer the term "scroll hole") I find myself starving for substance. Perhaps it is my fault that I'm setting such high expectations for general content online, but I digress. 

However, that doesn't change the fact that the internet is hyper saturated with shallow content about changing who you are in the month of January. Therein lies the problem; the inundation of the need for change. 

We are overly concerned with self development, over-therapized, and not concerned enough with what is already working. 

Which is unfortunate. So many wonderful and brilliant people are falling into the pit of I Must Change™ and end up sabotaging the very thing they think they are improving. Thus begins the cycle— unnecessary change leading to discontentment, leading to more change, leading to more discontentment, because why would you revert to the old habits you had before changing, because change is inherently good right? which leads to... ad nauseum.

It's good to have goals. It's good to check-in with yourself. It is not good to constantly change yourself, and it is not good to avoid negative emotions in the process. 

So, how do we respond? What do we do in the face of performative glow-ups and their empty promises for contentment and happiness? What do we do with the pressure?

For starters, let's recognize just that; a glow-up, especially when promoted by someone online, is an empty promise. Most of these influencers and content creators have all the time in the world to do the things they are listing in their videos. Their job is to sell you a lifestyle, to influence you, imagine that. Of course they're making change look glamorous, that happiness is one routine away, one glow-up away, one level-up away. If they can get you excited about getting your life together and making plans (which can be a form of procrastination, but that's an entirely different point), you are more likely to buy whatever it is they are selling. Whether it be a sponsored product or a digital planner that will actually fix you this year!! Because this time, it will work! Just like in the years prior! 

You know yourself better than that. The new planner will not get your life on track. Because that, my dear, is up to you.

Which leads to my second point, where we do some digging. 

Who told you that you need to change? Why does their opinion matter so much to you that you feel the need to give yourself a complete overhaul?

Perhaps there are things you want to change about yourself. But let's keep digging.

Are these changes about aesthetics and appearance? Routines? Do they require you spend a lot of money? Is the cost worth it? Or are these changes about your character? Your physical health?

I'm not going to say some changes are inherently better than others. Because for one person, spending a little more on a nice skincare routine could be a step toward taking better care of their hygiene as opposed to someone who is spending money they don't have on the same expensive skincare. Let's use our critical thinking here. Because that's the point.

What changes are important to you, and why? I urge you to really wrestle with those questions, and avoid taking advice from strangers on the internet. (Perhaps you can detect the irony.)

As you wrestle, you may find yourself feeling negative emotions. Which comes to my third point. 

If you do intend on making changes this year, nothing will change if you aren't willing to allow yourself to feel negative emotions. Not feeling negative emotions is not what self-improvement is about. 

I've noticed a common idea floating around online about therapy, and it is so far removed from what therapy actually does for a person. I'd like to clear the air— Therapy does not make the negative emotions go away, it does not "fix" you, nor does it take away whatever it is that you are processing. Therapy gives you the tools to handle emotions/trauma/relationships/life in general in a healthy way. Because every emotion has a purpose. Think of them as the "check engine" lights of your mental health. They are indicators, meant to reveal an underlying issue. Please treat them as such. *screams in DSM*

What if you crawled out of 2025 feeling exhausted and the idea of "reinventing" yourself is adding all of this pressure and you'd literally rather not. Well I have good news for you.

You can decide to change literally nothing at all! It's that simple! Because it's your life!

You like your routines? Keep them! Happy with the books on your shelf, even if they are collecting dust? Amazing! You don't have new goals but want to use ones from last year? Excellent! That's recycling!

Constantly changing yourself will leave you confused and discontented with your life. The idea that you need to change to be happy, to be your best self, is marketing. It's like tearing down a house over and over, and rebuilding a new foundation, over and over, while someone is yelling at you that you need to be buying their wall sconces and reusable paper towels. You won't know what you stand for, you won't know what you like as you emulate the trending posts online, and you won't stick with routines long enough to know what works, because not all routines are good for every season.

Look at the leafless trees in winter, then admire their blooms in the spring, and do it again the next year, and the year after that. Notice how much fuller the tree gets every year. Notice the tree doesn't hold its leaves all year. Notice its transitions with the seasons to accommodate for what they bring. Notice your capacity for patience growing along side the bark and branches.

Now that we've learned about making productive change (which can include not changing at all) the other hurdle that I rarely see addressed well, is how to make these things stick.

The idea that a new habit takes 21 days to form is fake news. Throw that entire idea away. That isn't how habits work. Fortunately, the way they work is simple. Unfortunately, they way they work is not easy. Because simple and easy are not the same.

Our brain is wonderfully adaptable. The more you do a thing, the more likely you will keep doing the thing. See? Simple. However, starting a new thing? Not easy.

To continue explaining this simply, the brain works in pathways. Every time you form a new habit, you are creating a new neural pathway.  Think about it as if the pathways are like hiking trails. The more you walk these hiking trails, the more packed the dirt is, the less overgrowth you get, and there is little resistance. However to start a new path, you have to walk through brambles and overgrowth, and it takes time for those things to clear. Over time, the new path becomes like the old one. Over time.

There is also the trap of planning. I say trap, because there is a point where it becomes a form of procrastination. It feels productive because you are thinking about the changes you want to make, however thinking about the changes, and actually doing them are two different things.

Want a habit that sticks? Keep doing it. Motivation comes after doing the thing, so never wait for it to start. The magic you're looking for is in the work you're avoiding. Consistency. Patience. All things we hate hearing. But there is no shortcut to lasting and meaningful change. Regardless of how long it will take, the time will pass anyway. 

The rush of reinvention and becoming the best and hottest version of yourself is presented as cute and trendy, and extremely desirable. However it insinuates that having a meaningful life only happens when you reinvent yourself. So let's make this abundantly clear.

Changing yourself in the month of January is not necessary for your life to be meaningful. 

This is your life. Change, or don't! It is completely up to you.

~I just want to be more organized and make stuff. Probably write some more. Or not. Who knows?