I've started reading Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. I'm only 5 chapters in, but every step of the way has me examining all of my thought patterns.
It's a big soul poke. All of the soul-pokage. The whole thing.
I have to try harder than most to make the best out of my thoughts, keeping my brain from being an absolute warzone because I have PTSD and depression. Lately I've had more good days than bad, but the bad really comes out when something goes wrong or when something upsets me. I become a self-deprecating dork, I don't eat, and I almost physically feel my brain spiral out of control into dark and negative thoughts.
"Well, things always go wrong. This is just my lot in life, to not have anything go right for me. Everything is pointless. Why even try to make things better if this is where it will always end up eventually? I'm not worth it anyways."
This is absolutely not normal. It says in scripture in many ways that peace is n o r m a l (I'm still really trying to understand this.) God offers this to us freely, we just have to choose to take it and live it out in our lives.
In this book I'm reading, the whole focus is on shifting our thinking, to renew our minds and to take every thought captive. If we want to have positive and life-giving thoughts, we must choose to have them. This takes a lot of discipline.
*Wait, you can choose how to think? There's got to be a catch that seems way too simple.*
There is literally no catch. It just takes time and work to get good at it.
People often get this mixed up with choosing how to feel, which is entirely different. Feelings are indicators. You can't help but feel threatened or discouraged or annoyed by certain things, the difference in positive and negative thinking is what you choose to do with those feelings.
I think about the scene in Return of the Jedi where Darth Sidious is trying to goad Luke into fighting Darth Vader, saying things such as "I can feel your anger, use it." In this scenario, Luke is given the choice to use his anger to fight Darth Vader. In this same fashion, we are given the choice to use our emotions in a way that is healthy or unhealthy.
*When in doubt, use Star Wars as examples for spiritual health and wellness. It's foolproof.*
In my life, I've needed to shift my focus off of what is going wrong to how temporary it all is, and how healing takes time. In the span of 2 years, I got a divorce, got remarried, and had a baby. I've had so much change in such little time. I've had to learn how to heal from the trauma I experienced in my divorce, all the while enjoy the beauty that came from it. I've had to make a lot of choices in my thought life. Triggers come up, as they do, and I have to choose to examine them so I can learn and grow. I have to recognize that I am 4 weeks into working out consistently, and it will take time for me to get to my goal. (Post-partum mom bod is a thing. But at least I'm starting to fit better into jeans woohoo!!) I have to be patient with my growing baby as he learns to communicate because cries and coos are all he knows, and it isn't his fault that he needs to eat in the middle of the night. Mama is tired and crabby, but at least she's learning.
"Things go wrong, but that's okay. I learn how strong I am when something goes wrong. I am allowed to feel frustrated and tired, but I will not let that dictate my day. The pain doesn't stay, and I am growing with each step. I have a healthy, growing baby, a husband that loves me, and a fresh start after a hard season. It's just a bad moment, not a bad life."
The path to being better and thinking better is one choice away. Ultimately, we have every right to feel how we feel, but we do not have the right to use our feelings in ways that are unhealthy, at the expense of others, and at the expense of ourselves.
Having the weight lifted after choosing life-giving thinking is so freeing. (If the weight of thinking negatively was quantifiable, I would be so ripped tbh, it's kinda rude that I'm not.) Thankfully, it does get easier, because once the choice is made, you really won't want to go back.
~Given the nature of Jedi training, I doubt that Luke ever needed mental health counseling.
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